I long for the day when I will become passionate and energized about life again. Each day that comes is just another day of survival. Sure, there are good moments and moments that burst with a blast of energy, but overall it’s just going through the motions and no real desire to live or to die. Just being.

I just feel like my motivation to get up and go is gone. Is it due to my mental illness? My job, which is very well could be. That could also be affecting my mental illness as well. Overall I just lack energy. Physical energy and mental energy.

I was supposed to see a psychiatrist today, but had to cancel due to having the stomach bug for the past two days. I’m finally feeling better, but was not well enough to go anywhere earlier in the day. I have to wait another 2 weeks until he has an opening, which is fine. At least I am on the calendar.

I wish there was a magical reset button to press to get me active again.