Today is my 39th birthday. I did it. I survived the year! At times it did not seem like I would. I think of birthdays as not just a time to celebrate another year older, but a time to look back at the year I just survived.

I am away in North Carolina this weekend. It hasn’t been the trip I was hoping for. First, I broke out into hives yesterday due to the Welbutrin. They also spread over night. I was out of it most of yesterday. I attempted to still explore the area twice. But I didn’t really enjoy myself.

I did have a zen-like moment this morning over looking the beach, which was nice. But over all I’ve just felt lonely and stressed out about money. On my days off I am by myself. I’m by myself too much. Instead of feeling relaxed this trip, I just feel more alone and anxious. My sense of adventure is lacking and I just want to go home to my own place and be with my cat.

What is wrong with me?

Sigh…Oh yea, I have a mental illness that has been sucking the life out of me. I had a “high” for about a week on the Welbutrin, then crashed yesterday. The past few months I feel like I’ve lost myself and I’m not sure how to get back to a place of peace. Maybe I will get there this year.

Here is to another year.